Waiting in the Boat.

There are moments in your life that can completely stop you in your tracks, make you look back and wonder, how in the world did I get here? It is one of those unexplained

moments. One of those moments that stand still and seem so unbelievably unreal that you feel nothing. It paralyzes you in every sense of the word “paralyze”. This has happened to my family twice in one year. They say “Bad news comes in threes”. Oh how I pray this is not true. In April, our life as we knew it crashed before our eyes. There are times in your life when you remember the perfect day. There are also times when you remember the worst. We experienced both those days within a 4 day period.

I remember the warm spring breeze on our faces, the laughter of our children and the joy of being with friends. Little did we know, that four days later we would be greeted with a completely different feeling. A feeling that is so painful that your body

goes into survival mode and you cannot control any of the emotions you feel, it is utter loss. This was what we felt the day our dad went home to be with the Lord. How in the world would we make it through this? How is this happening? Question after question filled our mind. Anger, pain, joy, sorrow, praise, wonder, jealousy. To name a few. I thought there would be no way we could make it through this dark valley.

It has been almost 5 months since we lost him. Just when we were starting to get more comfortable with a new normal and life without him, we were hit with yet another paralyzing moment.

Monday started out like any normal Monday. Kids were grumpy and slow to get out of bed. Mommy was tired and had a lot to do that day. Two meetings, laundry, bathrooms to clean, pick up from school, and soccer. As I was finishing up meeting with my last house guest, I heard someone coming in the side door. I was nervous at first because I was not expecting anyone else. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a arm slowly move. I said “Hello?” As I said that I heard a quiet voice “It is just me….” Jeff appeared in my living room. I looked at him and said “oh, what are you doing here? Did you forget something?”….Jeff answered “no…I am just home early.” RIGHT THERE…..That was when the moment began. Jeff never gets home early. Defiantly not on a Monday and not at 10:45 A.M!  I calmly asked him “do we need to talk?”…”Yes, we do.” As I walked outside I felt my stomach turn. I felt my body beginning to break down all over again. I had to keep myself composed. We had someone here that I had just met and I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. The words that came out of his mouth were not connecting to my brain. “She let me go…. She figured a way to do it and she let me go.” It didn’t set in. I hugged him because I knew that was what I needed to do, but it didn’t set in. I came back in and with all my might I composed myself enough to finish our meeting and send her on her way.

These moments are ones that are hard to understand. Until you have been there you will never understand them. You will never know the anguish it brings, the uncertainty, the unanswered questions. How in the world are we going to make it out of this in one piece?

God. That is how. During both these moments, I have found peace. You may wonder how in the world you can have peace during this time. Here is how. I have a God that promises that He will never forsake me or leave me. He is not going to forget about me. In most cases, it is more likely for me to forsake him and leave him then it is for Him to do that to me. Did I want to run? OF COURSE!!! Do I still feel like that from time to time? YEAH! Does the fact that we only have enough money in our possession to last us the next THIRTY DAYS freak me out? Yes. It. Does. BUT I have a God that owns the world. He has riches beyond our minds  comprehend. He has felt pain. Pain of the cross and of searing loss. He has felt rejection from others and loss of friendships and those who have betrayed him. He was the Son of a carpenter. He was not raised in riches, yet he owns everything. So, why do I have peace? Because of that. Because I know that my God is greater than anything this world can throw at me, because my God conquered DEATH!

This is not how we expected 2014 to turn out. If you asked me in February how I saw this year going I would have told you that we were excited for this year and all the things God had planned because he had allowed us to receive such a great job, a wonderful house, and a new opportunity for all of our lives. If you asked me in September how I saw this year going, I would be a loss to explain all that has happened and all that God has allowed to happen, but I can still say, I am excited. Do I say it with as much enthusiasm? Not really, but I truly am excited, because right now, we are fully in the hands of the Lord. There is nothing we can do, but trust his plan. There is nothing we can do, but sit back and let him carry us through.

About 3 weeks ago our Pastor preach about the time when the disciples were in the boat and Jesus had gone to pray. He told them to get in the boat and go. As they headed on their way across the sea the weather picked up and the wind started to rock the boat. The storm became so terrible that they started to become afraid. They called out to Jesus for help and he walked on the water to them and told them to trust him. Peter wanted proof that it was really Jesus. So, Jesus told Peter to get out of the boat and walked on the water to Him. At one point he took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink. We will sink if we lose faith in what God can do. HE MADE A MAN WALK ON WATER!! Our pastor said something that made a lot of sense “Sometimes we have to get out of the boat and have faith.” This seemed so profound. However, after I told my sister this she said something even better she said “yeah, but sometimes it is best to just stay in the boat and trust.” Why is it sometimes that we have little faith and need to see God do something great to prove who he is, like being able to walk on water? Why can’t we just trust and obey. He told them to get in the boat and go. I am sure he knew a storm was coming, but maybe he wanted to see how they would handle it. Would they freak out and want to turn back? Or would they stay in the boat and trust that He was going to guide them through the storm and take the hits of the waves that crashed on the boat. He was going to feel the shock of the lightening and the boom of the thunder, but he would have it all in control and they would be safe because they were in the boat. Sometimes we need to hear him say “I got this. You stay right here and I will knock the bad stuff away and bring you to safely.”

This has been a hard year. I can’t lie and say it hasn’t. I don’t want to lie and say that it has been great. I am hurting. I feel my heart breaking over and over with the pain of losing my dad and knowing how hard each day is for my mom and sisters. I want to be able to put on a brave face for my kids and tell them everything is going to be ok. I want to ease their pain and their insecurities. I want them to understand that God has a plan for this and even though right now it feels like a big puzzle in a box with missing pieces it is all going to come together and God will be praised in all of this. Do I cry in the shower? Yes of course I do. Do I cry at night while lying in bed or when a song comes on the radio in the car? Yes. I am hurting. My husband is hurting. My children are hurting. My family is hurting. This pain is a pain that can be felt by the softest of touch. HOWEVER, we know this pain will be healed and is healing and with each day if we stay faithful and in his perfect peace we will find that one day our pain will not hurt as much and we will praise him for what we have learned through 2014. It is not a year as exciting as we once thought, but it is a year that we have dedicated to Christ. He has to work this year out. We have no power or control to make it a great year, only God does.

We will praise him through this storm.

God is good. All the time.

Wow! Yeah it has been a while since I posted last. So sorry about that….I know I have so many followers and they just can’t wait to read my posts. Sorry Mom and Brenda! Haha!

March 21^st…It seems like yesterday, but also seems like forever. The roll coaster that is our life continues whether we want it to or not. I am over the self-loathing about moving to Helena. It really isn’t that bad and we seem to be getting adjusted, but more on that later.

Just 2 short weeks after writing this post I spent that last 3 days with my wonderful and amazing Daddy before he went home to be with the Lord. Oh, how my heart breaks. Just to think of him or even speak his name from time to time, but we do not put the ones we love in a box and sit them on a shelf to never be thought of, spoken of, or loved once they have gone. We love them and keep their memory alive. As many of you know (mom and Brenda…I am convinced they are the only two people that read my blog.) my dad was promoted to Heaven on April 24^th. He was admitted into the Hospital 2 days earlier with signs of a heart attack and after being in the ICU for a day he went into cardiac arrest and they were unable to keep him here on earth. This moment turned our whole world upside down. If any of you have ever had the pleasure of meeting my Dad you would know that he was a Pastor for 40 years and 25 of those years were spent at Grace Baptist Church in Billings, MT. He was a jack of all trades and he loved to help people fix things. My last and best memory of my Dad is him and I sitting in my living room 2 weeks before he died talking about all the things that we would do in the new house. I had a list a mile long and I was so looking forward to getting my hands dirty along-side my daddy. Something that I have enjoyed doing for as long as I can remember. Something I will truly miss. He loved Montana and all its beauty. Many times with-in a year he would take mom away to explore. We called them Montana Staycations. Every summer we would hop in the van and go on an “educational vacation”. He also loved his 10 grandchildren. Heaven has gained and earth has lost.

The last time we were with Dad, he and mom had come to Bozeman to surprise Gloria for her 9^th birthday. We were so blessed to have that time with him. Such a great last memory!  Sharing that moment with him will be something Gloria can hold on to for a life time. Our sweet Gloria Grace, loved her Grandpa dearly and she struggles as much, if not more, than I do sometime.

The last few days that we spent with Dad, although important, are not the moments I want to remember. Sitting with him at dinner or watching him, watch our kids play together, those are the memories I want to keep close to my heart. The last few hours that dad was alive were hard. Most the time he was in and out. Struggling with his breathing and managing his pain. Those days/hours hurt to think about. I still remember his steel blue eyes looking at me with such pain and struggle. Something I wish I would never have to see, dads are not supposed to hurt or feel pain….they are Super Hero’s in disguise!  Those hours seemed so uncertain. I am not a fan of uncertain.

I could probably write a thousand pages just on dad and all that we have lost and how I miss him deeply and how it still doesn’t feel real and that healing is hard to do. There truly is so much more I could say, but I need to continue on with this blog post or you will get bored and leave.

Forward we will go!

Two weeks after dad’s funeral we closed on our house in Helena. This was supposed to be an exciting time, but I found it tainted with the loss of my handy man. We closed Mother’s Day weekend so now Jeff can say he bought me a house for Mother’s Day. Way to go Babe! The next month was a whirlwind of emotions and hard labor. The kids were in their final month of school, we were packing, and spending as much time with all our friends as we could.

June 5^th we finished school, packed up the van with the last of our belongings and moved to Helena. So many mixed emotions during the last weeks. The kids had made some truly wonderful friends living in Bozeman and leaving them was hard for all of us.  

Life in Helena really is not a third world country. We have running water and electricity so that is a plus! Haha! No, really. Helena is not as bad as we once thought. We have had a great chance to explore and find things to do here. The Carousel and the Science Museum being two of our favorite things. We live in a very quiet neighborhood which has made it hard to find new friends, but school quickly approaches and we will make friends. We went to the “Symphony under the Stars”, that will become a summer tradition. We have gone to the lake a few time and feel we need a boat. We have gone to the public pool and parks, had swim lessons and have even made trips to Urgent Care.

It has been fun to decorate the house and make it ours. I will post some pictures for you to enjoy later…….. We surprised the kids with a pool and they have been able to enjoy that. We also made them a fun sandbox and they love getting dirty!

We have even had a few house guest. My mom and Rachel came for 4^th of July and Jacksons birthday. It was so nice to have them here, but bitter sweet, of course. Missing dad walking in and seeing our new home. He loved taking tours of each of our new places and telling us ways we could fix this or do that. In late July we had Gloria’s friend Brooklyn come for a few days. Then some of Elijah and Jackson’s friends came the next week for an afternoon that was much too short. After our Family Staycation/ Explore Montana Educational Trip, we picked up Sophia and she stayed with us for a couple days.

The summer has truly flown by. We are on our last 10 days till school will start again. The kids are nervicited (that is nervous and excited mixed….the things you learn from My Little Pony) to start school and start meeting some kids. Gloria especially.

We are enjoying this new chapter. There has been a lot of ups and downs but God continues to lead and guide us. Jeff is starting to feel the pressure and stress of his new job, but we have made our family verse Philippians 4:6-7 and will dwell on his word. We have found a church nearby and look forward to his leading while we attend.

God is good. All the Time! 

It's NOT a Third World Country.....

Today is Jeff's final day of his 6 week training period at the Bozeman Target.  It has gone so fast. Sunday we will be sending him off to Helena to officially start this new journey.

Every time I think about the next 12 weeks I get a lump in my throat, I feel short of breath and an since of being overwhelmed. I find my self making list after list of things  I need to do over the next 12 weeks and trying to figure out how I am going to get them all done. I am by myself with 3 sometimes 4 kids. I think about the fact that I will be alone in my house with just the kids. I won't be able to touch his leg with my foot to remind myself that he is right next to me. I keep thinking I will need to sleep upstairs where I can "protect my nest" and be able to hear my kids better. I have contemplated getting a gun...For those of you who know me and my fear of gun you would understand that this is a big step just to even think about it. Also please note that I am not against guns and I feel when used to protect and to survive they are good to have around. I think about the fact that since daddy will not be home I don't need to cook a huge meal that I then have to fight with my kids to eat and lose the battle. That will be my highlight of the 12 weeks.:) I worry about the amount of traveling Jeff will have to do to come and see us for a 24 hour period. Yes it is only and hour and half, but It is still time on the road. I worry about my kids and how they will respond to not having daddy home at night. The funny things Jeff will miss Elijah say and the dare devil stuff that Jackson will attempt. BATH TIME and BEDTIME ALONE ARE A NIGHTMARE! ...My list could go on and on about my worry, fear, and uncertainty...BUT I KNOW....

God has a great plan, bigger then the plan I could ever set out for my life. He is faithful and true to his plan and we need Him to see us through this plan.He is always there and faithful. There have been so many times in our 12 years of marriage where we have had to fall back and trust that he was and is always there to catch us and help us. This time is not any different.

We have made several moves in our marriage. Some good and some bad. Some that were defiantly us walking away from God and doing our own plan. Others have been God bring us back to him. Each move has brought us closer to Him.

Moving to Helena is probably one of the hardest moves we will have to make. How could that be possible, when we left MN we left family, and when we left Billings we left family.  Again we are leaving family. We love our church, our neighbors, our friends, our home, Gloria's school and her friends. We have built ties here. Friendships that we have both prayed for, for so many years. We have that here. We love the little life we have created here and don't want to miss out on all the great things happening to the wonderful people around us. Its hard to let go and let God...BUT I KNOW...

 God has a great plan. Are all my questions answered? Does that mean I am not going to cry every time I see someone I will have to say Goodbye to in a few weeks. Probably not. I try to rest my anxious heart on Gods shoulders because I know he can take care of me and all my worldly worries. I remind myself of how God has opened this path for us and how if we would have not moved in this direction Jeff most likely would have been unemployed by the end of this year. I look at the fact that I get to buy a house. I get to go through all my junk and get rid of stuff so that I can make my new home "clutter free"...haha! I get to meet new people that I know will bless myself and my family. Its not like we are moving to a third world country...I mean it is just Helena, MT 90 miles down the road. I try and focus on all the new possibilities for our family and the new things we will get to experience. I think about the excitement that Jeff feels when he comes home from a place he enjoys. I think about the fact that during the next year as we get to know our new home that I will get to spend more quality time with my kids building our relationships and growing with each other. With each step in the journey we are seeing God. In the little and the big things. We are learning to have an open mind and how to be patient with each road block that God knew we would face. We are learning new things and I know in a year we will look back and know that God has us right where he wants us and he will always be faithful.

So it is not a Third World Country, it is Helena Montana. We can do this!!

One Month, Two Month, Three Month!

I really do seem to be bad at this whole blog thing. Its one of those things that you want to be really good at but you find that life is moving at such a fast pace that you really don't have time to really sit down and think about what has happened, because you are too busy, doing!

Well since I made the poor choice of drinking a glass of Pepsi after 10:00 p.m . the night of day lights savings, I guess now is the best time to blog!

Since I wrote on here last things have not really slowed down. Jeff is through his first 4 weeks of training with Target and we are getting closer to our new adventure!

God truly is an amazing God and we have seen time over time him answer prayers that we thought we would never see answered. Not that our faith and trust in Him has ever wavered it just seems like this was all moving so quickly how in the world could this all possibly come together seamlessly. I think my worrying has been more stressful, if I would just keep reminding myself to “Let Go, and Let God” I think life would be a lot easier.

Looking back over the last month or so here are a few of the prayers we have seen answered in such a mighty way.

Jeff's New Job...

He is loving it. He loves that he knows and understand what is needed to be done and he can get it done. He loves the fact that there is such a huge support system behind him and there is no need to create the wheel even though he wants to. He loves that he is apart of something that you can see the finished out come at the end of the day. He loves the fact that there is a huge opportunity for advancement. He loves working with and meeting new people everyday. Are there things he doesn't like? Yes. But when you compare it to the world of stress he came out of with AT&T he can't complain. Right now while he is training in Bozeman they start at 4:00 a.m which means his days start at 2:30 in the morning. This can make for a very long day. Once he gets to Helena their day starts around 6:30/7:00 in the morning. Right now he is on his long stretch before his weekend off so prayer is needed for the next four days. It is a 6 day 10 hour a day stretch. He is training for the Logistic position. This position the basically the heart beat of the store. He is responsible for getting all the product out to the floor and keeping things flowing from the truck to the floor and from the back stock out to the floor. Something that we have found so amazing is how in every aspect of the job path God has lead Jeff down has prepared him for this job. God is good. Once his two weeks are over he will head to Helena and stay there...I guess that leads into housing...

Where do we go???

Looking for a house this time around has seemed so painful. We love our house in Bozeman and had been very discouraged as we started looking for a rental. As I mentioned before we got a screaming good deal on our house and we struggled with all the junk we were seeing in Helena. Everything was over priced and J.U.N.K!!!!! We started looking into buy, but thought most likely that this would not be possible since we had lost so much on the house in MN. I started contacting Lenders and found a Lender with the Dave Ramsay program that was willing to give us some credit counsel. After working with him for about 3 weeks we realized he was not the right fit and we got in contact with one of my cleaning clients who just happens to be a Mortgage Manager. She looked over our credit and had us approved in 4 hours. We then decided it was time to start looking at BUYING!!! I can't tell you how excited this has made me. If you follow me on facebook or Pintrest you probably already know, but we have found a house. After looking at 15 properties in one day, with two boys in tow and in a massive snow storm the last house we walked into that day was the house we fell in love with. As many of you know making the choice is the easy part. The hard part is negotiating the contract and getting all the financing in order. Those are the hard things we have to do! So right now here is where we stand. We have an agreed upon contract, an inspection scheduled for Friday, and closing scheduled for May 9^th!! Once again God knows all the details and will work them out as he sees fit.

Since Jeff will need to be in Helena in two weeks you might be wondering if he plans on living under an underpass....No! Our Realtor has a very large home and has offered Jeff a room in his home until we close. This is such a blessing since we really did not want to pull the kids out of school. Here is how our timeline looks for now.

March 24^th Jeff Moves to Helena

May 9^th We close on our house and Jeff moves in

May 9th- June 5^th we will be moving things to the new house and doing painting and such

June 5^th School gets out and we finish our moving to Helena!

Finishing School...

Finding housing for Jeff so that the kids can finish school was such a blessing! We really did not want to pull Gloria and Elijah out of school and knew they would struggle with that choice. We are so thankful this prayer has been answered. Will the 12 weeks apart be hard? OF COURSE! But he is only and hour and a half away so if we need daddy home he will come home!

Friends...

Moving away from and finding new friends is always such a challenge, but yet we have seen God work in this matter as well. I think I shared with you before that Gloria's close friend at school had moved over Christmas making that part an easier step for when we moved. However, we have grown an amazing relationship with our neighbors behind us and have all been sad to have to leave them behind. We were looking so forward to summer and backyard BBQ's, outdoor movie nights, summer sleep overs (for the kids), and all that comes along with having wonderful neighbors who have the same parenting structure we do. We found out last week that God has opened some amazing doors for them and they will also be moving within the next 3 months. We are so excited for them and happy to know we won't miss out on those things. In fact they are moving to Billings so we will get to see them when we go to visit family!

Work for me...

I am pretty sure I mentioned the opportunity that came along to me when we first started this journey. Although I probably don't need to work, I do enjoy doing it and find that if I don't have something to keep me busy I can get stir crazy. I met with our current Realtor and his boss in February and am planning on meeting with them again this week to finalize plans for me to work part-time from home. I will be heading up their Property Management branch of their Real Estate company. This is a very exciting and nerve wrecking opportunity for me and I am hoping that I will be able to meet the challenges with Gods help.

Things all seem to be looking up except for one area we have not seen answered, but have faith that God will answer this prayer in his timing...

Sophia...

Her dad has not figured out what he plans on doing once we move. I had a very long conversation with him last week in regard to what we have been praying and hoping he will do. We have made our plea that he would please take the job offer he has here in Bozeman and live here full time and be the Dad that she needs him to be. I told him point blank that we felt this was the best option for them both and that she needs a full-time parent. He does see that this is a need, but is blinded by greed of more money, which is something we all face daily. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PRAY!! That he makes the right choice for her. I see so much hurt and loss in Sophia. She doesn't understand why she is being left. She has told me she doesn't want us to move and this makes my heart break. I found a letter she wrote to her mom begging her to come back to Bozeman to take care of her when her Nanny left. She wishes she could be a mermaid so that she can swim in the ocean. This is a world she has created that makes her happy. We have requested that he take her back to a counselor to work through her feelings of abandonment, we do not know if he will do this but we hope he will.

As I have said many times, we serve a great God who knows our hearts and sees our pain. Please pray that this prayer will be answered soon. Please also pray that Sophia will find Jesus before it is to late. We want to see that sweet girl in Heaven someday, along with her dad. They both need JESUS!

Please continue to pray for Gloria. She seems to be getting more excited about our move, but is still struggling with leaving her school and meeting new friends. Over the last 2 months we have seen some new behaviors that show some resistance to our move. She is like her mom and internalizes things to the point of feeling sick to her stomach which is causing her to miss school from time to time. We are not worried about this being a physical problem, but more of an emotional one. We have spoken with her school counselor and are doing things at home and school to make sure her emotions are being handled in a healthy way. Poor Gloria comes from a very long line of worries on both sides of the family...

Elijah and Jackson...

These guys seem fine with all of it. Jackson has no clue really and Elijah is just excited about his house that has a fence in the upstairs! We have had a couple conversations about how jumping from said “fence” is not allowed, even if there are pillows and a couch below to catch him...we will see. Don't worry grandparents we are on this!

Me...

Please pray god gives me strength over the next 14 weeks as we get ready to move and for the 12 weeks that I will be a single parent. If anyone wants to come be a roommate and help me out I would love it. :) I know I can do it this will be out 3^rd time at this ball game and I know there is a light at the end of this tunnel!

Thanks to everyone that reads this! I know it is long, but we appreciate the time and the prayers that we need daily!

January New Year. New EVERYTHING!

Can you believe that it is already January 28th, 2014! It is crazy how fast the first month of a new year has gone.

Over the last 29 days we have:
Started Looking for a New Job
Interviewed for a New Job
Been offered a New Job
Planning on Relocating to a New City for said New Job
Quit Old Job
And will Start a New Job as an Executive Team Leader (manager) for Target in Helena on February 10th!!

WOW! That is a whole lot of NEW! This news has been very hard to process in such a quick time, but we know that God has a great plan through it all. We have seen Gods hand through all of this and could not be more at peace with it. Do we struggle with our own desires? Yes of course! We have grown to love our little life here in Bozeman. God has given us AMAZING friends, church, home, and neighbors/neighborhoods for our children to grow up in over the past (almost) 4 years. We are trying to focus on what God has plan for the future and not what we are leaving behind.

God has paved the way...

Isa 55:9

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Over the last few months God has been paving the way for this move even before we knew it. In December we met with our Pastor regarding some youth group things and during that time we came to the conclusion that we needed to step down as Youth Leaders. This was a mutual agreement. After 3 years of leadership we all felt it was time to take a step back, so to not get burned out.  We will be officially stepping down from our place as youth leaders the First of February. This is bitter sweet. We love our teens, but know that we are opening a new chapter of our life and need to close this one to start NEW.

My cleaning jobs have slowly been dwindling. I was at my high peck in August with 6 clients. The start of 2014 I have 2. God has provided through all the loss income. He gave me a job at Target. I had a large cleaning job over November and December that paid for Christmas! PTL! SO Much more!!

Gloria's best friend Moved. I know this seems kind of odd, but she has had one very good friend at school for the past 2 years. We always struggled with the thought of moving because she would have to leave her friends at school. When Stacey moved she was pretty upset. Moving will still be hard, but since she already said goodbye to her best friend it will make it a little easier.

Coming to grips with moving. We have struggled with this choice for a long time. As i said before we love everything about our little life we have made here. A few months ago when we started talking about changing jobs we knew the possibility of a move could be in our future. We struggled with this and even fought about how we didn't want to move...unless it was Gods plan. First and foremost we had to keep reminding ourselves that we are not in control of our life, God is.

What the Future Holds...

Over the next 6-8 weeks Jeff will start his training. They have agreed to let him train in the Bozeman store with some travel from time to time into other stores to get a feel for all the different size stores.

After that time we are hoping and praying that he will be able to find a place where he can stay in Helena while the kids finish up the school year. We don't want to have to pull the kids out with only 2 months left in the year.

While looking for a rental we had stumbles across this really awesome house. I called on it and talked with the Realtor about it. During our conversation it had come up that I had worked in Property Management and Real Estate in the past.  He asked "Would you like a job??" I told him "Well if I can work from home we might have a deal..." He said "We might be able to make that work!" After finding out that Jeff had received the job I sent him my resume and gave him some work history. He told me he would pass it to his boss and let me know. I didn't expect much from it, but then today I received an e-mail from him asking if we could get together with him and his boss for lunch the next time I was up there and talk about a property management job. You never know this could be the start of something NEW!

What about Sophia...

Please pray that her dad will realize that his time in North Dakota needs to come to an end. He has been there long enough. He told us that he has a job that can start in the spring, but it doesn't pay as much as the ND job. He needs to be a full time dad. We are giving him till June unless God moves us quicker. Please pray that he can find someone that will take care of her with the same love that we have for the last year and a half. We explained to her when she got to our house this time that we didn't want her to feel we were abandoning her and that we are sad to not be able to keep her with us anymore. She seemed to understand, but she hold a lot of her emotions in.

Housing...

Please pray that we will find the right house for the right price. We got very discouraged a few weeks ago when we went to look at places as there was NOTHING that compared to our place here in Bozeman. We are looking into a couple options and are praying Gods will. He has this all planned out better then we could ever plan it and we know he has the right place for us at the right time.

We serve an Amazing and Faithful God! Thanks for following us on this journey! Please keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks as we will be in transition.

2014 Here We Come!

Its hard to believe that 2014 is already here. I remember when you are young how time seems to stand still. Christmas and Birthdays always took forever to come. Now it seems we blink and another year goes by before we know it!

Since it has been probably 9 months since I have blog on any page I thought I would share a little bit about how 2013 went.

In 2013 Jeff turned 33, Esther turned 32, Gloria turned 8 and started 3rd Grade, Elijah turned 5 and started Preschool, and Jackson turned 2 and started getting into EVERYTHING!!

We the beginning of the year was like most Americans...
New Years Resolutions- Buy a Juicer- Start drinking our meals and lose weight. - Control our spending.  - Get more organized. - Try new things...

-We did buy a Juicer and by February it was packed away. We did lose weight, but gained it back in a month.
-AT&T decided to control our spending for us..in other words... over paid us for 2 months and then took it back over a period of 6 months. God Provides! More to come on that!
-Get more Organized- We moved all the kids toys from our basement playroom up to the upstairs master bedroom and our bedroom down to the master bedroom down stairs. Best decision ever!
-Try New things- Gloria played basketball for the first time. Elijah started Preschool. Jackson realized he liked Juicing, and Gloria started Piano and Voice Lessons.

 "When It rains...God's Umbrella Covers"

We found out mid January that AT&T had made a rather large mistake and had overpaid Jeff by about $10,000 pre-tax. Because of Jeff starting a new position within the company in July of 2012 we were unsure of what a commission would look like and he had had two very good months of sales so when we received the news that we had been overpaid we were broadsided. Thankfully we had put money in savings, still had some left from our Christmas Vacation and were able to get our taxes done and deposited by the end of February. God is SO GOOD! Our Taxes was the exact amount that we would need for the next  6 months while AT&T "corrected their error". It has been such an encouragement to see how God provided for us over the year. Our freezer was never empty. We received pounds of free meat. One day I told Jeff whenever my parents freeze started to fill up they said "Ok...God is preparing us for something". Now that we look back, it was God providing! I also received several extra cleaning jobs that help keep our saving account from ever hitting zero in 2013 and even as we moved over to 2014. AT&T provided Jeff with a work truck for most of the year which freed up gas money. We were also able to take a trip to Missoula during Spring Break and we only spent $100 for 4 days! Thanks AT&T and G.O.D! Our house flooded in April right before Gloria's 8th Birthday party. Because our living room was on "life support" we had to move her sleep over to a hotel in Bozeman. Jeff contact the a hotel in town and with his rewards points from work travel we were able to get a room for free!! YAY! Since we rent and nothing in our home was damaged our insurance could not help with any extra expenses from the flood. But our landlord was able to get us a "Birthday Party Displacement" check and also helped cover our utilities for the over usage for the 5 days the machines were running non-stop! I could list so many more of the blessing that God provided for us over the year, but I know you have other things to do with your time.

Were there times when all we wanted to do is throw our hands up and say why? Of course! Did we do this from time to time? Most defiantly. But God always brought us back and reminded us that He is the God who owns and created everything. He will never leave us or forsake us. He will always make sure that we have food and raiment! We serve a Great and Mighty God!

Looking back at 2013 we both feel there would have been no way that we would have been able to make it through this year on our own. God blessed us daily and was always constant! He never walked away from us even when we felt like we turned from him. He grew our relationship together and as a family. Since going out and date nights were not in the budget he provided friends who were willing to take kids for a couple hours (thanks Fraser's) so we could go grocery shopping. We got creative and had at home family nights. Playing games, watching movies, doing crafts and baking! We grew closer as a family. Our out of state family offered to come see us so we wouldn't have to travel. We were able to have one of the best family vacations we have had in a long time. We thought our Christmas was going to be one gift for everyone from the Dollar store! Instead we had the best Christmas. All our kids got what they wanted and then some! Praise the Lord!

There was a song that seemed to alway come on at a time when doubt started to creep in. We found this to be our song of prayer: He Knows My Name

Does 2014 look like it will be bright, new and full of rainbows and butterflies? Probably not, but with CHRIST ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE !! We know the road ahead is hard, but our God is Great!

If you are looking for ways to pray with us this year here are a few things you can put on your list:

Jeff - That God would reveal himself greatly in where he should go within his job. Whether it be to stay in the current position he is in  or to look into other positions within the company or outside of AT&T. Pray that he will continue to raise his family in the image of Christ and that he will continue to step up and be the leader that God has built him to be. That he would be encouraged and stay positive in his current position until God directs otherwise. That he would continue to be patient  with his wife and children.

Esther- Please pray that God will give her strength as she tries to run our home, take care of the kids, clean other people's homes, and works a part-time job at Target. She has taken on a lot this past year and needs strength to know what to say yes to and what to say no to this next year. She runs on fumes most days and is doing her best to stay positive. Pray that God will lead her in the right direction in knowing how to handle cleaning jobs vs. working at Target. God has provided all these sources of income for us and we don't want to take the reins and make the wrong move. Pray she has wisdom in knowing what is best for her and her family. That she will hold her tongue with Sophia and the other Kids and that she would mother with love and not anger. (Esther wrote this in third person :)) Pray that she will strive to be a Proverbs 31 Wife and Mother!

Our Ministry- What God has planned. We have many decisions to make about this during the next few weeks-months

Our Children-
Sweet Gloria Grace has such a soft heart to the things of the Lord, however, her flesh is starting to battle with her spirit. She struggles with controlling her emotions and her attitude. Pray that I (Esther) will have patience with her and show her how to control her emotions in a correct way. Her Best Friend from 1st grade has just moved away and is no longer attending her school. Please pray that God will bring along a sweet friend that will never replace Stacy, but will be one that will be a good friend to her.

High Energy Elijah- He has really started to ask questions about God and understands sin and salvation, but has yet to get saved. Please pray that this year will be his year! Also pray that he will learn how to control his excitement and start listing to us when we put him to bed. We have yet to find a tactic that works on him to keep him in his bed and not running around waking everyone up for an hour before he finally settles down and gets to sleep. His Mommy and Daddy REALLY need him to go to sleep! Elijah will be heading to Kindergarten this next fall so pray we have him under control by that time or school is going to be hard. He loves school now, but 5 days a week all day may become hard and taxing on his High energy personality!

The Jack Attack!- He is such a sweet little boy and we know this year as we head in to age 3 is going to be very exciting time for all of us! He is such a happy little man and always willing to do as Mommy and Daddy say, but we also know terrible 3's are much worse then terrible 2's so please pray we will all make it out alive. Also pray that during this time Jackson will start to have a soft heart to the things of the Lord and one day will come to know him when the time is right! Pray as we make the decision to possibly start him in Preschool this coming fall. He will be a very young Kindergartner and so we feel 2 years of preschool might do him good.

Sophia- we struggle daily with continuing our care for Sophia. Each time is always different. Sophia is a sweet girl that has been dealt a hard hand for life. Her parents are selfish therefore she is only naturally selfish. I know this sounds harsh and mean, but unfortunately  it is the truth. She NEEDS THE LORD! At this point she knows what she needs to do, but is afraid to do it. We are not sure if it is because of her dads influence or if she is just fighting within her own self. At this point we struggle because financially we need the income from being her Nanny, but we know that that is the wrong attitude to go forward on. We are starting to see things in Sophia rubbing off on Gloria instead of the other way around and we feel our family , although we care for Sophia, is more important. We have to give an account for our Children and how they are raised. We know that it would be a completely different story if Sophia was in our care 100% and her parents were out of the picture, but they are not. She knows how to manipulate them and tell them half the truth making us sound like the "bad guys". Her dad does not discipline and all we can do is talk to her in a firm voice that she has learned to ignore because that is how she has been talked to for so long. She turns on her defenses and shuts you out. Please pray God gives us his direction on what our next step is with her and that she will soon come to the Lord along with her dad. Her dad has very mixed up views on the bible and God.

Our Family- Please pray for us as we have committed as a family along with our church family to read the bible in a year TOGETHER! This can be hard with an 8,5, and 2 year old. Keeping their attention is hard! Pray that we will grow together through this journey and that we will become a stronger family that seeks the Lord daily!

Thank you for your prayers! We will keep you updated on everything!

Happy New Year! We are excited to share this 2014 Journey with you!